• Me (turns to the camera): My friend believes the last slice in the pizza box is for him. But where he has failed is in underestimating how hungry I am. Fortunately for me, he is too high now to observe as I take the last slice right from under him.
  • Friend: Have you been watching House of Cards again?

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  • driving teacher: stay in your lane
  • me: stay in your lane

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Anonymous said: What is a thot?


google is your friend


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That look ur mom gives u when u embarrass her in public but she can’t kill u yet


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